I'd Rather Take The Stairs

Today, as I stepped out my car in the parking lot at work, took a deep breath hoping that maybe o’ maybe the work day would fly by, all I could smell was cat shit.  It’s completely unpredictable what smell will greet me on any given day.  Will it be swamp ass or the sweet smell of maple oatmeal brewing? 

As I made my way into the building and waited patiently for the elevator, I got to thinking just how awkward elevators truly are.  Or maybe it’s how awkward I am on the elevator.  If I thought if it wouldn’t hurt to walk up 7 flights of stairs with a purse, lunch bag, and laptop in my arms with probably the most inappropriate shoes, I would choose to walk the stairs every time.  But in the morning and at the end of everyday, it’s just not my cup of tea.

 There are a few ground rules people should follow when it comes to riding in an elevator.

1.       I get that were in an enclosed space but you should be a good arm’s length away from me, especially if we are the only two people in said space.  Please respect the personal space.

2.      If it looks too crowded it probably is.  Wait for another.  Don’t make everyone else suffer because you’re the annoying one who just had to get on this exact elevator.

3.      Absolutely no talking on your cell phone.  I don’t care how great your night was, I don’t need to hear about it (and it probably wasn’t that great). 

4.      Enough with the small talk.  Again, I get we’re alone in a small space but it’s less awkward for me if we skip the small talk and just stand in silence.  Actually, it’s what I prefer.

5.      Minimum ticket to ride: at least 2 floors, unless you’re crippled, otherwise, I will make you crippled.

6.      You wait until I get out before you barge your ass onto the elevator.  Get it….people go out, you come in.

7.      Contrary to popular belief, the elevator doors will not close any faster if you hit the close button 1 time or 27.

8.      Women should always exit the elevator first.  It’s common courtesy.

But it’s always good to have a little fun on the elevator too (just don’t let it be on the one I happen to be riding):

·        Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

·        Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

·        Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: 'Got enough air in there?'

·        Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: 'I've got new socks on!'

·        Meow occasionally.

·        Holler 'Chutes away!' whenever the elevator descends.

·        Say 'Ding!' at each floor.

·        Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your 'personal space.'

So, what’s your elevator pet peeve?