I ran the Quad Cities Times Bix7 race this weekend and to put it nicely, it annoyed the living crap out of me. There is such a thing as running etiquette but apparently few people were aware of it and knew how to “share” the roadway.
This race is tough. Not only is it longer than a 10K and a majority of other races but it also has these steep, never ending hills that practically kill your legs. Like as in, if you sprint up these, you can fully expect to vomit at the top. The first ¾ of a mile is a hill and the entire race is 7 miles. So with that being said, I expected that those around me would be running the same pace, since we started in the same pace corral or at the very, least, the pack would break apart as the miles went on. But not so much.
When I signed up for this race, I chose my overall time to be less than 60 minutes which is highly doable for me at 8-9 minute pace since I had been training for 4 weeks prior to the race. Apparently, so did everyone else as in everyone running that race is a time liar except for me. When I started the race, there were people in front of me stopping to walk up the hill. Excuse me, you think you’re going to run this under 60 and walking right out of the gate? I don’t think so. Get your ass back where you belong…with the walkers.
I spent the entire race, weaving in and out of runners. I even spent a great deal of time running up on the sidewalk and the grass median just to get by people. Do you know what it feels like to run 7 miles overworking your muscles to get around liars? Yeah, it’s not fun. Next year I know, I’m drinking the coolaid and I too will be a liar. Look at that, I can run 6 minute miles. Well, I’ll be. I think if you could’ve at any point read my mind during the race you would think that I was a nut job who needed to enroll in anger management classes.
So I bring to you the worst things you can do during a road race.
1. Lie and say that you’ll pull off a faster time than you have ever run before. I’m sorry but if you can’t run an 8 minute mile training, then what makes you think you’ll magically be able to sustain that pace for 7 miles? That’s like every bride who says she’ll drop weight before her wedding so her dress will fit...you’re only fooling yourself fatty.
2. Don’t stop in the middle of the course. Politely move to the side and stop but always look behind you first. The biggest mistake you can make is stopping without looking. You can get seriously injured running too.
3. #2 goes for water stations as well. There is not enough room for runners who don’t stop for fluids to make it through unscathed if you stop right at the water station. Take your cup running and then stop and walk after the station where it’s safer.
4. For the love of God, we all sweat racing (if you don’t you are not normal) but wear some deodorant. We all have to breathe and I don’t want to deep breathe your stench.
5. There is this weird thing about running. When you move, your body parts do as well. Like your gut and your ass cheeks. I don’t need to see your actual ass cheeks. I can’t just turn around and stare at my own at home. So moral of this story, wear bigger clothes that cover. I don’t think an inch more of fabric is going to make you run any slower or make your body temp go down. It’s a race, not a fashion show. Also, all you bigger ladies, I’m super happy that you got off your ass and moved but I don’t need to see every lump and bump…ok?
6. Group runners. I get that it’s fun to run with your friends, but form a cluster not a line across. You’re slow and blocking my faster booty from passing.
7. Don’t touch me, ever. Again, we all sweat and the last thing I want to do is bump into your sweat ligaments. Keep your sweat to yourself.
8. Don’t cut people off. Just because you need to pass, doesn’t mean that you should do it in a fashion that will cause someone else to get hurt. I guarantee you’re not going to win the race so just chill for a sec.
9. Slow down. Would it really be worth it to kill yourself and not end up finishing because you pushed it too trying to meet a goal? If I don’t feel it, I’m slowing down. The race doesn’t count until you cross the finish line.
10. Don’t be a douche. Enough said.
Everyone pays to run the race so a little bit of common courtesy will go a long ways and make the entire experience a fun one. Also, I hate the stroller in back rule. I get why it’s there but honestly, it’s hard to get a babysitter for every race that we mom’s want to run so sometimes the stroller is the only option. If I ever had to take my child with me, I would fully expect to start with the 8 minute milers because I can run that fast still pushing a twenty pound child. I shouldn’t have to be pushed to the back.
I did finish the race with a time of 1:02:31. I’m confident that had I started in a faster corral that my time would have definitely been under 60 minutes. I will be cursing your name until I meet you again Bix7.